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She expects from him and He expects from her. When expectations
from the partner is not fulfilled lead to disappointments. This ill feeling strains emotional attachment and stressful relationship.
Women are more emotional than men. Women use heart to think
and Men use brain. So women need emotional touch up, attention and presence recognized
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When we live together in the relationship, we develop expectations
from the partner with whom we live. Expecting she or he has identical chemistry so contented environment prevails. Matching
chemistry is tuned view and opinion; these factors retain attraction of partner intact. And attraction is; the quality that
draws strong flavor of uniqueness to aspire enduring attachment. The quality of environment surrounding relationship is a
factor to attune or split. He should know what she expects and she should know what he expects from her. The expectations
should not be excessive that damages emotions and identity of a person. When we expect higher than that exists in the partner
creates a situation that is stressed relationship.
We have to be content with whom we live is a code to maintaining
good and lasting relationship. Human physiology is to get attracted to new and better that may be life, beauty, human, economic
condition or etc; controlling self from surrendering to that attraction and learning to endure with existing situation saves
from deteriorating relationship. Some factors as I feel are important to lead stressful married relationship :
1. Communication in relationship: In relationship, the manner
how mentally, verbally, physically converse with partner is called communication. Even eye, face and body can reveal what
is in mind. Good Living partners need not speak to reveal affection, feeling, desire and self opinion. Eyes, eyelashes, glowing
or dull face and body parts explain the inner mind. Similarly reveals ifs and buts too. So need to hide nothing, open each
and every chapter of your book so the partner can read, understand and evaluate to confirm that way the good lasting relationship
establishes. Well understood partners are so attached, in sad or funny occasions partner is in mind. Absence of one partner
in partnership gives a feel of missing. Most marriages fail where despite living together for long time intimacy is juvenile.
Mind of both are against each other by finding each others weak points and do not want to change. The mentality is formed
so strong that now is unchangeable. Communication of such people is mostly fake, selfish and hides the reality. Mostly cheaters
are from this category. So communication is one major feature to widen relationship and lead stress less life.
2. Care and security: Most women respect their men who care
and give feeling of security. This is first she demands from her man for her even sexual fulfillment is second to security
as she even loves sex in security. She can sacrifice anything for such partner. She feels protected safe and powerful to fight
any obstacle of life if her man is with her. Non caring partner is least respected, she would not even hesitate to cheat on
him as without inner respect he nobody. In case woman is monetarily and physically weak to fight back she repents for rest
of her life, is acute stressful life she undergoes for entire her. On the contrary male partners too suffer carelessness from
women partners. Such men are normally unemployed, sexually – physically - mentally weak, addict and monetarily weak.
3. Fading attraction between partners. Age group
of 25-40 demands search for better life so get attracted to better jobs, better sensual apatite, better living and etc;. Under
this age group people tend to desire variety of physical and emotional add-ons. For this age group same old routine becomes
too boring. A boring life needs change to revitalize. Many people find ways to refresh by associating with other for sensual and emotional craving, involve in unwanted activities, etc; having involved in these activities fails to pay attention to own surviving
members or getting caught aggravates. On the other hand people with different ideology together find solutions to rejuvenate
faded attraction by changing life pattern, satiating sexual apatite, reviving physical look, become more open verbally and physically.
4. Economic stress. Non earning house wives are vulnerable
to stressful economic experiences. Managing home for low and middle income group is not less tensed; this situation escalates
further when price of essential commodity soars, cutting essential needs is tough job. Reducing any of them would affect the
home life. Under this situation either expenses are cut or defaulted or look for a job for economic survival. And incase failure
to meet expenses even with earning of both the members cutting cost of daily life becomes essential. This situation is stressful
for both responsible members of the family. In many cases when earning member avoids giving full money so meet addiction habits
or demand money to fulfill these needs is fuel to worsening relationship. Feel emotionally tortured, especially women who
run home aggravate blaming each other that deteriorates home environment. Poverty and inflation are two major factors for economic stress in the family. Most of poor and low income families are susceptible
to this stressful life.
5. Mother-in-law AND daughter-in-law conflict. Two different identities (mother in law and daughter in law) of different ideologies fight each other to gain
control over one man. These two beloved women crush this man in their skirmish. They do not realize the affect on the man
they are fighting-for. In most cases, mother gets defeated in this episode and ends up rest of her life in the old age homes.
If wife looses the war, she ends up in marriage failure. Finally, who is the looser? This episode of mother in law and daughter
in law war all three members undergo in stressful environment.
6. Inability to perform physical and emotional
satisfaction to partner. In married life between living partners physical and emotional care in bed and day life has an important
role to carry on smooth relationship.
• Physical satisfaction. Men tend to focus on sexual
intercourse and loves partner to exercise various kinds for genital stimulation. On the other women love to enjoy prior to
sexual intercourse and sexual intercourse. Women enjoy more in attachment during sexual experience. In most cases men fail
to satiate them due to lack of patience or misunderstanding women desire for sexual experience. For women sexual intercourse
becomes burden until they felt the pleasure. For a women and men sexual activity is most ecstasy. For both release is for
relief that vitalizes entire body and brain. Finally it is satisfaction that brings both together and caring as both care
and understands each other’s needs.
• Emotional satisfaction. Care and touchy for each other
respecting and understanding the feelings. Human is never in same behavior some times sad, worried, scared, raged, anxious,
and so on. Change of behavior is by coming across different environments in office, travel, meetings, home, and instances.
Mostly surrounding environment dominates own character to behave according to the environmental needs. Many times during menses
women behavior changes feels uneasy and become agitated. Overload of work or failing to achieve objective leads to exhaustion
and disappointments. Depending on the intensity of occurrence, same attitude lasts for several hours and days in the mind
and behaves accordingly with partner. And if partner without realizing the facts approaches same way the bitterness begins.
Consoling the partner during that moment is emotional satisfaction. The security is felt and realizes emotional attachment.
7. External environment: Generally working in office or other areas we encounter many incidents from sad to happy, physical tiredness
to liveliness; our minds react to the incidents through our personality. The reaction caused, affects our mind to change behavior. That change of behavior remains until shifts to different atmosphere that overshadows existing one. (However,
not necessary that sad environment will force to change behavior for long time; this depends on comprising negative and positive
factors in individuals). When finds similar situation, reinforces existing behavior, good for best and bad for worst. Exhilarating
atmosphere at home upon arrival, consoles negative or violent behavior. The understanding wants partner to behave same way to soften homely atmosphere.
8. Marriage and external attraction/infidelity: Fading attraction drives to incline towards fresh and new attractions so can
gratify self and fulfil what is lost. Those who are exposed to external environment are easily dragged into these attractions.
Each woman or man working are exposed to external atmosphere. Many realise later and find the reasons as why did she/he go
for it? was he/she not happy? If not, why? What can I or children do for it?
9. Different culture and religion: Denote leading different
life pattern as drawn in holy scripts. Liberal marring to inflexible religious leads to stressful married life and has to
lead whole life or till separation. Especially in arranged marriages or jumbled marring decisions stressful women life is
common. It is rare in relations developed before marriage and knowing each other’s attitude for long time. However,
in religiously conservative societies privilege of marriage is enjoyed by men only. Woman’s rights are curtailed to
restrict to obeying husband. Fulfilling husband’s desire and wish. Under such circumstances nothing can help until social
change takes place.
10. Difference of opinion: Each individual possesses own ideology,
forms own credence and opinion relates to the personality. In marriage relationship the first step is to respect other’s
personality to form chemistry. If chemistry is formed in the relationship, even difference of opinion would mingle to well-matched.
Nearly 99% of families have difference of opinions yet most of them survive either by force of culture or religion, dominating
behavior, or with attractive quality behavior. Attract collision in case both possess dominating behavior with one negative
and the other positive.
11. Economic dominance or jealousy: Unfortunately most men
are accursed with this deficiency, can not stand woman dominating economically. The reason may be fear of loosing control
over home or her. In most living species males are born this way. Prevailing dominating instinct prompts them to behave to
have control. Some one some where has to accommodate for smooth home. We are not in ancient world or animal world; this realization
can only change the attitude. Without displaying economic lead making him understand the need of economic strength for comfortable
life will benefit. However, these statements look good to speak or write but actual life is different, most men from culturally
and religiously conservative societies, can not stand without domination as they are taught this way. Change would be feasible
only by social change.
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